Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Game of Shame

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears! I come to bury cheesey-ness, not praise it! For the cheese men do lives on, the good is oft inturred with their bones. So let it be with Noble Von Kraken. And the gamers who push Von Kraken, all of them, are Honorable Men.
The tale I must tell is so trivial in it's nature, and so devastating in it's repurcussions, I shudder to relate it to you, my gentle readers. It is a tale of what could have been, nay, Should have been, a Friendly Game; shattered into discord by the Twin Fiends of Winning At Any Cost, and The Letter Of The Rules. Woe be unto him who achieves victory upon the ashes of Cheese! Here we have the two sides; the Noble Sly McFly, leading the forces of Good and Rightousness in the form of the French Foreign Legion, facing the bluish-gray hordes of the Vile Von Kraken, controlled by the Gamers Without Honour. The Noble McFly lend his troops into combat, crushing his enemies, seeing them flee before him, and hearing the lamentation of the women! All was as it should be; none could stand before his righteous Legionnaires. Von Kraken's Traitorous Warlord troops thought only of escape, fleeing the field in vast numbers. There was but one peasant who held his honour higher than his life, he gallantly charged a unit of 14 Legionnaires singlehandedly and refused to surrender even at the point of death. Such a gallant man deserved gallant leadership, but alas! It was not to be! Just as victory for the forces of McSly seemed assured, Fate took a hand, and blessed the Crude Von Kraken with The Item of Victory. All that remained was to remove the ill-gotten item from the board and claim Victory. It was at this point, with their forces smashed, destruction imminent, that the Gamers Without Honour choose to reveal their Fatal Flaw in the form of 12.6 metric tons of Cheese. I still cringe to think of it, how could Honourable Men debase themselves to such a degree? How will they ever be able to face themselves on the morrow, and all the morrows to come? And what of their friends, those pleasant folk who had just expected an afternoon of fun and lead? How could they be expected to ever share a table with such as these? Was such a rudely won victory worth becoming social piriahs? Sadly, my friends, apparently it was. Not only did the flawed gamers use Cheese to an unprecedented degree, they freely admited their sin, even found it amusing. They paid no heed to the calls of dismay from their Righteous Opponents, then let their actions stand, and although it may seem impossible to believe, even repeated the Shameless Tactic with additional units in following turns! The tactic is there for all the see, sadly captured at the time. Hordes of non-combatant trucks, driving across the battlefield to park directly in front of the Brimstone and Firepower of the Legion Artillery and Machine-guns! Preventing any attempt to destroy the Evil Men of the Squad carrying the Item of Victory off the table! The Righteous Players of McSly looked on with disbelief, surely these Foul Von Kraken Players would correct their behavior! Alas, it was not to be! Their tactics stand; more's the pity! But let this be a valuble lesson to those gamers in search of Friendly Games; know thine enemy, not all gamers can withstand the temptations of Cheese. Some fall forever, never to raise their faces again to the Shining Light of Good Gamesmenship and the Fellowship of Lead Gamers everywhere.


sonsoftaurus said...


ColKillgore said...

I like the battle report, it seems a well rounded account of the game with hardly any slant at all. Oh, and I also prefer the term Honorless Dog when referenced as a a person who tries to use the letter of the rules to win at all costs.
I also still stick to the proclamation that at least one of the Honorable Men controling the forces of Good and Rightousness used the same sacrificial transport tactic in a Flames of War game that he professes to not remember.

Chuckaroobob said...

I wanted to make sure I got my point across without being too heavy handed. I think I struck a pretty good mix of outrage, Capitalization, and Shakespeare. If only I could've worked in some David Lo Pan quotes to tie it all together! "You are not put here on earth to get it, Mr Burton!" I'd like to figure out how to put pictures in the bulk of the post, and add captions, too. Oh well. Ignorance is bliss.

JVB said...

I know & Charles refuses to admit it!! OK, I will own up to using my Tigers to screen the Pz4's in the CongaLine of Death. I may have used halftracks to screen inf but at least they have guns and armor. Plus I never planted my Trucks on a gun that has little chance to kill it to screen a unit. Note I have commentted on Steve J's plans to plant Churchills on KP's 88's see appendix A!

I am patting myself on the back for objecting angerly during the game so everyone knows how I feel. It used to be I would store it up & let it out much later after it builds & builds in a strongly worded letter to the editor! I'm graduating to Actual A** rather then Delayed Stealth A**.